Dating Coach Starlight

Girl Game

So, last weekend Soul, Bonsai and I ran a sold-out Day Game workshop in San Francisco. SF Weekly sent out a camera crew and female reporter to cover the event, which was fun in the sense that sometimes girls would see the photographer’s lens poking out of the bushes while we were in set in Union Square!

Anyhow, after the event ended, over a few drinks, the reporter threw out the idea: “Hey, how about we put up a Twitter alert for 6 girls looking to improve their love lives with a few professional dating coaches?”

Hmm…coach girls on how to approach & open guys? Sounds fun. A whole new storyline for SF Weekly to play with. And the chance to put a lot of brainstorming with Soul and Whim to work.

So we showed up in the Marina at 8p to meet the 6 lucky ladies.

There was a tall blond personal trainer looking to meet potential mates outside of her profession, a twentysomething Asian advertising exec that just loathed being approached by guys…but yearned to meet new people and build connections in neutral territory before even broaching intimacy.

We sat outside under the clear night sky and heat lamps, getting a feel for all of there relationship lives of late. A lot of interesting stuff came up

Turns out there are a lot of girls out there who are frustrated that guys don’t “do what they’re supposed to” when they give invitations to approach like smiling, looking at you or doing a double take.

So we decided to flip the script and have them open guys, riffing on the stereotype:

“Hey, so I know I’m supposed to stand over and smile at you until you come talk to me, but…I thought you looked cool, so I wanted to come say hi”

Guys jaws dropped, a couple thought they were kidding, but only ONE guy-set blew out our chics all night

Here is a mindmap that Soul & Whim created to map out Girl Game

Soul and I also got a chance to confirm some of the material that we teach:

• Female attraction works like a volume knob; it’s not just on/off like a light switch, and needs to be ramped up through a variety of emotions and intrigue.
• Girls do not get all dolled up just to go dance with their girl friends. They want to meet cool, interesting guys, but generally have come to despise being approached by guys who “just don’t get it” or are “sleezy and weird,” or perhaps worse of all: “guys that are just plain boring”
• That they are irresistibly (and sometimes unexplainably) attracted to guys that “just don’t give a fuck” or can be jerks sometimes…that aren’t afraid of what other people think. (I think this is because it’s a good counter-balance to female hyper-awareness of relative social value, and there place in the hierarchy)

An important takeaway of mine is summed up like this:

All in all, a fun night out. When the article comes out I’ll post it here. Thanks SF Weekly

Girl Game – Girls Get a Strategy to Meet Mr. Right in San Francisco is a post by Dating Coach Starlight. You can also check out:

College Game 101: The Hub and Spoke Model

Kandy Masquerade: An Evening of Mystique and Seduction at the Playboy Mansion

Starlight