Archive for July, 2011
Identity: You Are Bigger Than What You Do
Here are some thoughts on Identity and how you can become both better with women and more successful in life, but first a word from my illustrious boss, Nick Savoy!
Now back to the story, hope this is helpful…
A few years ago an ex girlfriend pointed out what turned out to be a large flaw in my character. “When I ask you how you’re doing,” she said, “you start giving me a run down on all the projects you’re working on instead of telling me how you are doing.” At first I brushed it off and kept plowing forward with the consulting projects I was working on, but later I pondered what she said for a moment and realized there was some truth in it.
Is that something you can relate to? Are you so wrapped up in trying to make progress and achievements in your career, college or social life? I sure was and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I needed to make a change. The final straw came when I attended Braddock and Mr. M’s incredible Inner Game seminar. Braddock posed the simple question “Are you bigger than this, or is it bigger than you” as a catch-all that can be applied to anything that is causing you stress in life.
The takeaway here, and I think this is especially applicable to Asian guys, is that developing an identity that is both separate from, and greater than any of the activities, goals and relationships in your life is crucial to have success with women. I spent some time thinking about what constitutes me and my identity as an overarching concept of self that’s bigger than whatever I’m doing throughout the day.
I came up with some attributes like “passion for learning,” “adventurous and faces fears,” and “values loyalty and humility.” These are qualities that are more broad and far-reaching than the way I used to communicate with people, giving them a run down on new projects I closed, what grades I was getting in school or how many phone numbers I got at the clubs last weekend. What qualities and attributes describe you and how have you been selling yourself short but just focusing on your achievements?
Over the last three years I’ve spent a lot of time in Asia. Doing business, learning Chinese and having fun with some beautiful Asian women has been a thrill. Something I’ve noticed in this part of the world is that many people put their families first and have high expectations of success and accomplishment placed on them, especially in China where most families have just one child.
There is a lot of pressure to conform to social norms and live up to parental expectations, but I encourage you to also take the time to develop your own individual personality. When you take the time to define what it is that has personal value and meaning to you, then you can begin to convey these qualities to girls and position yourself as not being “just another typical Asian guy,” which will do wonders for building attraction amongst Asian girls.
You can start small by pursuing some passion or interest that you’ve had but never made the time for. This could be taking an improv comedy class, becoming a better singer (great for KTV or studying up on Confucian analects. Whatever it is, take some time to develop your own individual identity and make sure to bring it up early and often when you are out meeting new people. This will set you apart from most other guys and can be the beginning of re-defining yourself as the person you want to be…not just the person that others see you as.
So there I was, riding my bike near Taiwan Uni campus, minding my own business. But wait, what’s this? Four or five cute anime looking girls and a bunch of TV cameras. I roll up and stop to take a look. The producer spots me, comes over, asks if I speak Chinese…and sure enough, next thing you know I’m being interviewed on camera as a crowd builds around the scene.
But that wasn’t all. After that shoot, they asked me to cruise around with them. We walked to a new location and played “Superman!” where the hosts yell into megaphones and a panel of judges (including yours truly) rates Taiwanese girls doing dance routines. Some used nunchuks, some just danced to T-pop and overall it was a funny ass experience.
I’m trying to figure out which channel and when it airs. If I can get a copy of the video you can be damn sure I’ll upload it here. Oh yeah, and if you’ve been reading my blog and this all sounds a bit familiar…it’s because I got on TV in Beijing last Summer, though this was admittedly much more fun
Starlight in Taiwan – Signing off