Archive for October, 2009
I got a kick out of Savoy’s: Man vs Journalist blog post about the Las Vegas Weekly article. So I decided, let’s try an experiment. Here is the transcript of a recent interview I did with a freelance journalist. Apparently this may end up in Penthouse or GQ, so when the article comes out, I’ll post it here and compare what was written with what I said. Game on:
- How did you get involved with the community? When did you first hear of it?
A couple of years ago I was on my way to a conference in Mexico City and I saw a copy of The Game at the airport. Picked it up and read most of the book on the flight down. I had to know if it was real, so I did the only sensible thing and started running routines straight out of The Game…in Spanish! Lo, and behold I met a cute high-class Mexican girl; we ditched the conference to go explore historic Mexico City. She had never kissed anyone before. But by the end of the day we were rolling around on the grass watching sunset over the city making out. I was in a state of semi-shock and realized my new mission in life was to “get Game” so to speak.
- Describe your inter actions with women before you got involved with this?
In high school I was friends with the jocks and cool guys. We’d go out to parties and I never quite knew how to act in those environments, while my buddies were hooking up with chics left and right. By virtue of playing a Jimi Hendrix medley at the talent show, I ended up dating one of the hottest chics in school. Life was good. But not always to be.
When I moved out, to study guitar at Los Angeles Music Academy I realized the world was a much bigger, and more fractionated place than high school. I don’t think I so much as went on one date for almost a year. Then over time, through different social circles I would end up in relationships but I didn’t feel like I had any control over bringing girls into my life, and that their attraction to me was arbitrary, not a direct result of something of my doing. So, in short, my interactions with women were spontaneous and sometimes few and far between.
- When did you make the leap from student to instructor (if that is what happened)
After returning from Mexico City, I read all the material I could find and ended up on Love System’s The Attraction Forums. I saw that there were thousands of guys all over the world looking for answers to the most pressing questions about meeting and attracting the kind of girls that you really want. I began documenting my journey and posting questions about problems or “sticking points” that came up.
Then one day I saw a post for Project Rockstar, a two-month intensive Game training program put on by Mr. M, one of the top Love System’s Instructors. The proposition was: drop everything, move to London for 2 months, and learn Game, social dynamics, entrepreneurship, and more from the best minds in each field. Irresistible! So I applied, and made plans to travel all summer in Europe with my best friend on the off chance that I’d get accepted…which I did, and Project Rockstar marked the beginning of a really transformational period in my life. Going out 6 nights a week, doing 5 days a week in the gym, chronicling the whole journey online with thousands of people scrutinizing our every move. The experience brought into question every long-held belief I had as to what is possible, feasible, realistic, desirable and necessary. Resultantly I have never felt so comfortable in my own skin and confident in my ability to rise to all challenges that life throws my way.
Through the course of Project Rockstar the transition from student to Instructor began, without us even knowing beforehand, no less! After three weeks of intensive lecturing, field work, game theory non-stop and approaching nearly every girl in London, we were shocked to learn that we’d be assisting on a Love System’s bootcamp as approach coaches. I’ll tell you, going out with friends and coaches to meet girls is totally different than running a workshop of ten people out at a three story club, and trying to give valuable feedback after each interaction, while keeping mental tabs on how everyone is doing…that’s when everything I had been learning up to that point solidified, and became actionable knowledge that I could act on without conscious thought,…like a computer processor running in the background and spitting out the right thing to say in each situation to get the desired reaction.
We called it “seeing the Matrix” and really, that’s what it feels like to be in tune with the unspoken subtexts underpinning interactions. It was very rewarding to help guys achieve things they never thought possible, like kissing a girl 15 minutes after meeting her, or getting a date with a girl they always thought “out of their league.” So I kept volunteering to help out on workshops and bootcamps. It was sort of a seamless transition to being an Instructor after Project Rockstar ended and I really have to thank Mr. M for being an inspiration and mentor throughout that time.
- How important is the in-field stuff as compared to the theoretical stuff?
I think they’re equally important, but (and that is a big But), if you only study the theory and never go out and put it into practice, you go nowhere. For guys like me who didn’t know why things were, or were not, working out with girls. The Emotional Progression Model gives a great context to understand what went wrong in an interaction…like if you talk to a girl for two hours and make this great connection, but then she goes off for a 20 minutes and you see her making out with another guy. That could be really confusing and frustrating, but in hindsight you could realize that you were building a lot of comfort with the girl, but she was not attracted sexually. Seeing a clear map of how an ideal interaction should progress from introduction to the sexuality lets you know where you’re at along the way and how to identify and correct missteps.
So, with that in hand, the most important thing is going out and having tons of interactions. Meeting tens of people each night of going out. And going out at least 2-3 times a week, otherwise it’s hard to gauge your progress if there is a gap of a week or more from the last night out. A lot of guys see dramatic improvement by doing a 30-day challenge; going out almost every day for a month and posting on the Attraction Forums. As Instructors, when we notice guys doing that, we’ll give extra advice and encouragement cause it shows someone is serious about self-improvement and kicking ass at life.
- What’s the biggest improvement you have seen in a student?
At the Super Conference this year Jeremy Soul led a Day Game seminar, and for the infield groups one of the guys I was working with was a massage therapist and was so nervous that he was having trouble forming sentences. Like, he was sweating at the thought of approaching a girl on the street. So we warmed up really slow; start with asking a group of passersby for the time, then to take a picture of all of us.
Then I gave him an exercise that always seems to help approach anxiety: Go give one genuine compliment to three different girls. You don’t have to do anything other than say “Excuse me, I just noticed you from over there and had to say that dress looks lovely on you. Cool, have a good day” and walk away. Just the mindset that you are not expected to say anything other than one line, as opposed to carry on a 20-minute conversation, eases the nerves.
So, now this client is calmed down a bit and not on the verge of hyperventilating. So I send him in to approach a couple girls with one of the other students. He’s just sort of standing still while the other guy is carrying the interaction. So I go in and discover that they were dancing all night at some music festival, I tell them the student is a massage therapist and could probably help. Finally he opens up and gives one of the girls a mini-neck massage. He got her number.
Then later in the day we met some promoters that put our group of like 15 people on the list at XS for service industry night. I helped the client send a couple text messages and invite her out to XS. He was getting progressively calmer and couldn’t believe that he was taking a girl he just met to one of the hottest clubs in Vegas and would be able to introduce her around to 15 other people that would say he’s super cool and give him respect. I think the experience was a turning point in his life. He ended up having a great night with the girl and was glowing when I saw him the next day.
Really though, there are so many stories like that. Some are way over the top, like an overweight student at the Super Conference going to a sex shop with two girls he met at the club, then having a threesome. The guy had only been on a couple dates before in his life, so that was a pretty big leap too.
- Some media portray the students of these type of courses are ‘nerds’ etc – is that fair, can you give me an idea of the type of people you have trained?
It’s funny, just last weekend in NYC we had a couple 18 year old guys, and one guy over 50. The older guy wanted to meet middle age ladies in Borders bookstore while we took the younger guys to Grand Central Station to meet some NYU girls. I wouldn’t say that too many students fit the profile of “nerd” but I guess that depends on how you define it. A lot of guys have had one or two bad relationships or experiences with girls that undercut their confidence or willingness to dive into the dating pool headfirst. So, we take them outside their comfort zone, and provide some new positive reference experiences to counterbalance the bad.
We get some pretty funny, over the top guys too, which keeps things interesting. Like one guy was asking every instructor how to get some alone time with a girl if she’s at a club with her older brother and two married couples, and the brother just told him not to even try hitting on his sister. He was a very driven, well-to-do investment banker and didn’t like taking no for an answer. We seem to get a lot of entrepreneurs and guys from financial industries. But it’s hard to put broad label on the types of guys that attend.
- What is your specialty and how did you get good at it?
At this point, I’d have to say Day Game. I went through a period of going out to high-end clubs every weekend and it was fun to go after super hot party girls. But I found myself wanting a little more depth in the girls I met, so I began to really focus on meeting girls in the daytime in different environments; department stores, public transport, on city streets.
When I was in London for Project Rockstar last summer Jeremy Soul, the Chief Day Game Instructor for Love Systems trained me extensively. Then we close friends and had some crazy adventures in Stockholm together…like being out on the streets approaching girls for 5-6 hours a day to the point where we were running into people we met every couple of minutes, and walking arm-in-arm with some gorgeous Swedish girl each evening. It was one of the funnest times of my life.
And so, I have worked with Jeremy Soul on Day Game seminars all over the world for the past year or so. How did I get good at it? Practice makes perfect. In London alone I literally approached over 1,500 girls/groups of people. Some interactions lasted only a couple seconds, some hours, and some till the next day. Really, one you have some general strategies and theory, going out consistently and with like-minded friends is the way anyone/everyone gets good.
- If you had to give one piece of advice to the average guy who wants to get better at women, what would it be?
You must take action. Start today in the way that feels most comfortable or manageable and quickly work up from there. So, if you’re generally just beginning this journey, give 1 really genuine compliment to a girl each day this week. Something specific to the girl that you noticed, and not just “you look gorgeous.” Instead, try something that really caught your eye and that she probably put some thought into, like “Listen, I couldn’t help but notice that you walk as though your on a runway at a fashion show. The way you carry yourself shows me that your have confidence and self respect” – When delivered right, that right there may cause her to carry the conversation for a few minutes when you were just experimenting with giving your 1 genuine compliment for the day.
Here is another one…a little bit more advanced, but great exercise nonetheless:
Get out a pen and paper. Write down three things that you look for in a girl that are non-physical. Is she adventurous? Loves heights? Flies a plane? Always wanted to swim with the dolphins in Hawaii?
Once you’ve got them, work on screening for these qualities in your interactions. So, if you love heights and want to find a girl that would appreciate a date to the top of Sears Tower as much as you, then you can posit the topic to gauge for a reaction:
“…You know what I always wanted to do? Climb up Half Dome and sit right on the edge of that rock that sticks out over the edge and take a picture looking down. Doesn’t that sound awesome?”
Not everyone would think that’s such a good idea. But if she says that sounds like the coolest thing ever, then you may one step closer to finding a girl you really connect with beyond just physical attraction.
- For many, their first introduction to the seduction community was Neil Strauss’ book, The Game; how far has the scene come on from there?
It’s funny, even though The Game was my first introduction to this community, I don’t feel like what I teach now has almost any correlation to the stuff in the book. It’s like, there used to be 2-3 guys on every bootcamp that had wristcuffs, some rings on, a necklace or some kind of tacky jacket or hat on cause they read that peacocking was cool. Well, those things can be cool, as long it’s congruent with your own identity and self-image. And I think now what we teach relates to change on a deeper level than just getting a new wardrobe and a designer haircut. Seminars like Braddock and Mr. M’s: Inner Game and Social Circle Mastery are on par with a graduate-level applied psychology course.
So I’d say the progress that the community has made can be measured from just instructing on skills to help guys get laid more; to providing a framework and tools to create the lifestyle and confidence that our clients have always dreamed of. It’s about getting every piston in your life firing simultaneously; health, wealth, relationships, academic pursuits etc. and becoming the center of gravity in your own life.
We say that when there is continual focus and improvement in each area of your life, then you’re going “Supernova” and that’s when the Law of Attraction really begins paying dividends. Girls that you’re attracted to are drawn into your life by virtue of having built an attractive lifestyle, opportunities are presented to you because people value your opinion and you feel that you genuinely deserve to enjoy life to the fullest. It’s great to hear back from clients 3 months, 6 months on or later and hear about the great stuff going on in their lives which they attribute to the information and inspiration we gave them. That’s definitely the most rewarding part of being a Love System’s Instructor!
Starlight is available for 1-to-1 training. For more information write or call 1-323-836-0150 *110. www.LoveSystems.com/Starlight
So it’ s the end of the weekend after Super Conference 2009 weekend and I finally recovered completely! First my voice came back after three consecutive nights of throwing it out talking over thundering sound systems. Then my liver processed all the impurities that it was created to protect me from (thanks buddy!) and finally my mind processed the experience which is the Super Conference, before (finally) releasing the endorphins of achievement and success that were on hold till my body was capable of processing them, safe from the sea of flashing lights and scantily clad sex vixens.
My #1 takeaway from the weekend, which I share in full knowledge that it’s self-congratulatory plaudit from a Love Systems secret agent Instructor, is how much Love Systems has grown and evolved in the past year! Holy crap, there are now over 20 Instructors situated around the globe, covering aspect of personal growth; from Body Language & Tonality and Sexual Framing talks, to Storytelling and Approaching and Transitioning breakout rooms nearly all aspects of human interaction are represented!
Not sure if it’s just me, but it feels like Love Systems went from being a top tier team of pickup instructors in 2008, to being a global collection life-transforming seminars that improve how tactile one can be in nearly any social situation in 2009…I’ve been fortunate enough to sit in on Inner Game and Social Circle Mastery and work lots of Day Game programs; bottom line is the informational content of those lectures changed the way I 1.) look at, and 2.) interact with the world. I’m proud to be a part of the team!
It’s funny how most guys (myself included) get into this to hook up with more girls… and, in addressing the causes for why we weren’t having success before, uncover some deeper-rooted issues. The transition from any type of routines-based game to a rock-solid natural frame involves working through the deeper-rooted Inner Game issues that you just start to brush up against over the course the Super Conference or bootcamp weekend.
This can be anything from feeling the need for validation continual assurance from friends, to being afraid of letting your parents down; not taking ownership of one’s sexual desires or (even worse) consciously evading the identification of strong, masculine sexual desires and trending towards some quasi-sexual mediocre relationship with a girl that doesn’t make the hair on the back of your neck stand up.
Being on the rooftop of Pure on a Saturday night in Vegas, with bottle service and 4-5 dating coaches in arms length cheering you on, it’s easy for your game to shoot through the roof.
But after the Super Conference ends is in many ways when the real work begins. With so much incoming information the brain needs time to sort it all out, categorize it, cross-reference it with other experiences, be experienced first hand by putting it into practice, and finally, to integrate it as tried-and-true new concepts. So definitely keep up a schedule of going out, with other guys from the Super Conference if possible, and putting everything you learned into practice.
And the best part of the Super Conference? In the closing session of Super Conference 2009, Savoy announced that next year we’ve already booked the Hard Rock Hotel for the weekend and locked down Super Conference 2010. Same time. Same Place (plus one week). Next Year! I can only imagine what’s going to happen next year…
Big shot out to Future – #1 Voted Love Systems Instructor for Super Conference 2009, well deserved my man!
Finally, biggest shot out to Mr M for taking the plunge and committing to Project Rockstar one last time. Meeting all the rising stars in Project Rockstar this year (you guys Rock!!) was an unexpected way to realize how much I’ve grown personally since this time last year, just before I became an Instructor. In Game as in Life, you can take it as far as you want to go, provided your willing to work for it.
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