Archive for May, 2009
So, Braddock and I just wrapped up another SF bootcamp. What a wild weekend! Memorial Day + Graduation Week = Everybody dressed up and partying down.
Now I’m sitting in the classy reLAX lounge about to fly to Hong Kong (en route to Beijing) for some in-the-trenches LS reconnaissance work that I grudgingly accepted to carry out for the greater good of all things Asian. And I got to thinking about the Hong Kong bootcamp coming up in July with Mr. M. It’s going to be sick.
There are so many killer views from rooftop bars…and it’s such an international city; on par with NYC and London for international status. And as we all know, where there is money and power, beautiful girls are never far behind.
This is a story of a whirlwind courtship I shared with a Hong Kongese businesswomen. This mini-relationship was a turning point for me in Game and Life, in the sense that it’s the first time I actually broke down every step of meeting to falling for each other…with the Girl! We wrote this account together laying in bed, which I found to be a nice touch:
The Royal Treatment – NYE 2009 HK>>Bali
We met on my first business trip to Hong Kong. My business partner, who is gorgeous my any standard, fell in love with her straight away, which never happens. I thought Kiki was super cute and we talked some, but didn’t get too deep given the semi-formal circumstances. I remember being impressed that at a seemingly young age she runs an 800-person bath and body products manufacturing company and was doing a 20-day yoga instructor course . Then, two months later when I booked a business trip preceding a vacation in Bali with family and friends, I realized I’d be in Hong Kong on Christmas. I wrote Kiki, who responded enthusiastically, remembering that I did yoga every day and saying we definitely had to get together. Nice.
I arrived in HK on Christmas morning, the 15 hour time difference bending my perception of reality. After catching up on sleep I called and re-affirmed to myself that it was game time. We decided to get together and head up to The Peak to take a sunset walk around the top of Hong Kong island. Kiki showed up with a guy and I had the feeling there was something between them, but upon sizing him up quickly didn’t think he would be too challenging. The Peak is spectacular at sunset, with a sea of skyscrapers reaching up to varying heights but falling short of the vantage point provided from the top of the island.
Playful, fun and totally unattached to the outcome of the day, is a good way to describe my approach to the afternoon. In one sense it was just nice to spend Xmas with a cute girl and on the other I was systematically demonstrating that I was more interesting and intriguing then the other guy, who should have had a cool life as he was a pilot for Cathay Pacific. Kiki somehow got the impression I was gay (as I found out later), which actually helped as I was continually physically escalating while talking. This got her familiar with my touch and grounded those good feelings to me, while bringing attention to the fact that the other guy was not fun, and looked increasingly less socially calibrated. It turns out he was her boyfriend and they were just breaking up. In hindsight my arrival probably spread up the process
Then I left to South China for two days and kept the interaction going via SMS, with funny observations of Shenzhen in broken Mandarin, and a play-by-play of a 4 ½ hour massage at the Shangri-La bath house (endless massage, facial, ear cleaning, eyebrow pluck and a place to sleep for $55…hit me up for details;-) – Kiki thought I was coming back a day earlier and flinched upon learning I was staying until Dec 28.
So when I got back to HK we set up a date. At this point she liked me, but wasn’t even sure if I was straight let alone into her. Talking on the phone I told her a couple funny stories about getting lost in the bath house and having five Chinese girls pulling me in different ways and laughing at me at 3:30am in my bathrobe and half-purple mohawk. Kiki invited me to do a “hot flow” yoga with her, in her sexy British-Chinese accent. I said I was a bit tired but would flip a coin and leave it to fate…flip…ok it’s heads, I’ll meet you there.
When I saw Kiki in her yoga outfit, I knew I had to get her. Perfect body, beautiful butt and flawless skin…with a belly button ring. She admitted to being impressed that I knew the names of the yoga poses and could hang for over half of the advanced class. Walking down Queens Road after showering off, she held my arm to keep balance in high heels on wet cobblestone. She took me to her favorite Shanghainese restaurant and it was there I learned that she speaks German (like me), has lived in Switzerland (my favorite place), and loves traveling and languages; I’m attracted.
“Where are you going tomorrow?” ”
“Well, I’m going to Bali for a couple weeks vacation with my family. Interestingly enough the royal family are long-time friends of ours, so we’re going to visit the palace. I’m totally looking forward to it!”
“Why don’t I come visit you?”
“I think that’s a great idea”
“I wanted to have a vacation in the sun, but none of my friends wanted to go, I just about gave up on it, they’re lame”
“You know it’s Summer in the southern hemisphere right now. I didn’t even bring a long sleeve shirt. Let’s go check out the itinerary after dinner, I’ll show you what you’re getting into”
So, with a nice little piece of plausible deniability, we walked hand-in-hand to my hotel where I had a suite on the 28th floor, looking over the Hong Kong skyline and a couch pressed right up against the panoramic window. I recalled from earlier that the lights go out 30 seconds after removing the key card from near the door. So we looked at the itinerary and I got the feeling Kiki is actually spontaneous enough to get a flight to Bali on one day notice.
“I’m gonna be so sore from the hot flow today, I can already feel my muscles conspiring against me, here check it out” I said putting her hand on my neck
“Haha, yeah the first time I did hot flow, I was sore for three days.”
“Oh, great, some friend you are, I’ll be too sore to dance on new year’s eve.”
“Nooo, I’m sure you’ll be fine.”
And then I led her over to the couch to give me a quick neck massage. Afterward I offered her a massage, but she hesitated. I saw the crossroads. This could go both ways.
“Check it out, my uncle is a professional masseuse, he travels all summer with competitive road bikers and gives them all a rub down each night. Whenever he came to visit he’d bring his massage table and give us the best massage ever. He taught me a couple tricks that relax your whole body in like three minutes.” – As I’m telling the story I had her sit down on the couch. Her logical mind kicked in and she said she should probably go. I smiled and shrugged. Then said if she didn’t feel like a new woman in three minutes I’d kick her out and jump out of the window to preserve my honor (or something silly like that) – and as she agreed I pulled out the key card and threw it on the bed.
We sat down and I pulled her in between my legs with her body pressed against mine. Just as I began massaging her neck the lights went out.
“I pulled out the key card, check it out, we’re right in the middle of the whole skyline and you can’t even see the street, it’s like floating on a cloud of lights! Look how beautiful it is”
And I set in to massaging her neck and back. Not really the best massage ever, but this is where I wanted to be. With her body pressed against me leaning up against the window with all the lights off and some mood music playing. Perfect.
I smelled her neck. Her whole body is so clean. Smooth like silk, and not a single hair on her body save for her head of course. I rest my lips on her neck in an imperceptible kiss. Then nibbled her ear while massaging her collar bone. She stopped me.
“You think you can just fly into Hong Kong and seduce the local girls, then leave the next day? I’m not looking for a fuck buddy that lives halfway around the world.”
“Whoa, who said anything about fucking? I had no idea you were so aggressive.” I said in a playful tone.
“I should really be going”
“Look, Kiki, let me be straight up with you. I am so impressed with you as a person, and today when I found out how much we have in common, I was surprised to find myself liking you more than I thought I would. There is something so attractive about a woman who is confident in herself and her ability and I’m really starting to see what an incredible person you are.” (Yes, I really mean that)
“When I realized that I was attracted to you as more than a friend, well, I’m a guy who is not afraid to go after the things I want in life…and I have the feeling you’re the same way.”
“Yeah, that’s true. But I just want to be good friends with you. And if I do come to Bali, don’t get the idea that I’m there to just be your toy.”
“Haha, that’s cute. Listen, I’m not going to apologize for liking you, and I want to be totally honest in saying that if we’re hanging out together I’m going to do everything in my power to show you how good it could be for us to be more than just friends…while still being friends all the while.”
As we’re talking, we’re still sitting against the window and I’m massaging the pressure points on her hands in between the thumb and forefinger, which release endorphins and causes relaxation. I’m looking in her eyes and our faces are inches apart. Her view is of me…and all of Hong Kong beyond.
“…So I’d love you to come to Bali, but if you do, keep in mind that I might not be able to keep my hands off of you. And you may not be able to resist me indefinitely.” I said in closing, keeping solid eye contact and a conspiratorial smile.
We called it a night and I fell asleep dreaming of how fun it would it be if she did in fact come to Bali, just like that, on a whim. The way I live. The way that would make me even more attracted to her.
We texted as I boarded the plane. She had researched tickets and wanted me to ask my family before confirming her ticket. Fair enough even though I know what my dad will say – the man who taught me the meaning of living for the moment and embracing serendipity as if it’s the answer to all life’s questions.
Bali – I arrive. It’s hot, moist, a warm summer night and a world apart from the northern hemisphere that I was in 8 hours earlier. I find a cabbie who will take me the hour drive to Ubud and buy each of us a 22oz for the drive. We tear through the streets of Denpasar drinking Bintang and listening to Indonesian techno music on the radio and laughing. I fall into the moment and smoke a Djarum black while drinking my second 22oz, sticking my head out the window and waving at street merchants. After the crazy ass twists and turns of global economy and my own life in the last couple of months; working so hard to keep a step ahead, it feels like heaven to be on vacation.
We arrive in Ubud, I see my dad. A few moments later I tell him a sexy girl from Hong Kong wants to visit me – “Well tell her to bring sunscreen, it’s 90 degrees in the daytime” – My dad rules.
I text Kiki and tell her to bring a bikini. Thirty minutes later her itinerary arrives on my blackberry. Game on baby! I can only imagine the inner struggle of her executive mind, weighing whether or not to come to Bali with this guy who just sort of appeared in her life, like a whirlwind of excitement and good feelings. The prospect of an adventure and the allure of a tropical vacation.
Dec 31 – Kuta, Bali.
I’m here in Kuta with my step brother and best friend JC. We have a hotel on the beach. After walking the strip and checking out the clubs for tonight, I found a hair salon in a back alley and a transvestite re-did my mohawk and half of it a deep iridescent indigo. It looks good. Kiki arrived at 5p and we had a drink in the lobby to introduce her to my step brother and buddy. We all took a quick nap, and I got a first small kiss on the lips from Kiki..We had dinner on the roof with fireworks going off all around. People honking in all directions, the excitement building as the midnight hour grows near.
Earlier in the day I flirted with our waitress while getting a beer and invited her and her friends out to party with us. Yatni was her name. She arrived with four friends, including a model from Jakarta. Now we are a good size group, half of whom are locals who work in the service industry. We head to Ocean Beach and Yatni gets us all in for free!
I can see Kiki sizing up the situation. Here I am with a bunch of locals that we obviously met today, and here she is, here to have a vacation for herself, but also here with me as the only person she knows. Either way I win right? Perhaps, but I don’t just want to hook up with some random girl on new years eve, I want to play this through – Kiki is such an awesome person and I’m so attracted to her. So we dance and watch fire-breathing dancers put on a hell of a show on a floating stage in the middle of a pool. Then they clear out and the whole crowd fills it up.
At 11pm, after dancing and laughing, pictures and a few drinks (but not many), Kiki looks at me and says: “I cannot resist you any longer” – It is one of the sexiest things I’ve heard in my whole life, sealed with a kiss. And then another and another. We countdown to Midnight and 2009 has arrived!
After making out and dancing for hours we head back to the hotel and I tell her that I’m going to kiss her entire body from head to toe.
“There are some parts that are off limits” she says
I begin, and spend ample time on her breasts, until she is so turned on that she pulls my pants off and we make passionate love until the sun comes up. What a way to ring in the new year!
Slumdog Millionaire Style Epilogue: I later find out that JC slept on a straw mattress on the floor of Yatni’s place, in what he described as a closet without windows in a dusty back alley so I could have the room with Kiki. JC is the ultimate wingman!!
If you’ve been paying attention, you’ve noticed that the application process for Project Rockstar 2009 has officially begun. And if you’ve been paying close attention, you may have noticed that yours truly will be on the Instructor team this year, bringing my own twist to the Rockstar Experience; Financing the life of a Rockstar through Entrepreneurship. Yes, I will be directly working with the 6 Rockstars for a full 8 weeks, taking them through a curriculum that I have been developing for…well, literally for years.
YOU will launch an internet-based business involving a product/service that you are passionate about. YOU and I together will build the architecture of the business so that you can step away from it almost entirely, allowing you to pursue whatever lifestyle and locale suit you, safe in the knowledge that your there is a globally-distributed team of workers continually re-filling your bank account. At the end of the day, unless you’re that Swiss Gigolo that seduced the heiress of BMW to pilfer her bank account, you need to have a bankroll to live the life of a Rockstar!
A quick check of credentials: AKA, Why the hell should I listen to Starlight?
I have never worked for anyone, as defined by receiving a salary from an employer. For 6 years I have conceived of ideas, assembled financing to test them in the market, managed globally-distributed teams of specialized workers and done it all from wherever I may be at the moment.
That means teleconference meetings in the Swiss Alps before hitting the slopes with a snow bunny. Reviewing contracts on the coast of Croatia before skinny dipping in the Adriatic. Conceiving of a new product in the bomb shelter-esque nightclubs of Siberia and then testing variations of that product in Shenzhen a few weeks later.
I know this can sound like bragging, and up until this point in my life I have been very hesitant to speak so openly about the counter-intuitive approach I’ve taken to life and business because…well, I’ll turn it over to the Easyrider boys, who sum it up just right:
George Hanson: You know, this used to be a helluva good country. I can’t understand what’s gone wrong with it.
Billy: Man, everybody got chicken, that’s what happened. Hey, we can’t even get into like, a second-rate hotel, I mean, a second-rate motel, you dig? They think we’re gonna cut their throat or somethin’. They’re scared, man.
George Hanson: They’re not scared of you. They’re scared of what you represent to ‘em.
Billy: Hey, man. All we represent to them, man, is somebody who needs a haircut.
George Hanson: Oh, no. What you represent to them is freedom.
Billy: What the hell is wrong with freedom? That’s what it’s all about.
George Hanson: Oh, yeah, that’s right. That’s what’s it’s all about, all right. But talkin’ about it and bein’ it, that’s two different things. I mean, it’s real hard to be free when you are bought and sold in the marketplace. Of course, don’t ever tell anybody that they’re not free, ’cause then they’re gonna get real busy killin’ and maimin’ to prove to you that they are. Oh, yeah, they’re gonna talk to you, and talk to you, and talk to you about Individual Freedom. But they see a Free Individual, it’s gonna scare ‘em.
Billy: Well, it don’t make ‘em runnin’ scared.
George Hanson: No, it makes ‘em dangerous.
Ever felt like that? I’m not gonna get all political cause I’ m not into that. I’m into being a Free Individual. A large part of freedom is the freedom to meet, interact, and attract the women you want in your life. Love System’s has an absolute wealth of information and training on this subject as you know. Now, through Project Rockstar 2009 I will do my best to round out the other side of Freedom for you; the ability to do what you want, when you want, without answering to anybody or asking anyone’s permission, because you don’t need it.
Why don’t you need it? Because you’ll have a business that funds your lifestyle, and is congruent with your lifestyle, thus bolstering your confidence and easing all decision-making processes that involve money (read: practically all decisions).
OK, that’s my rant. In closing let me say that Project Rockstar 2008 was the pivotal experience in my life that gave me the confidence to be my Best Self and no longer worry about offending others with my own lifestyle decisions. Furthermore, it gave me the perspective to not be too attached to what other’s think of me. At the end of the day it just doesn’t matter…if it is a limiting factor in pursuing the things YOU want in life.
Project Rockstar gave me a sanction to be the person I am without apology. If you want to get to know me and learn something fun, interesting and profitable: Submit your Project Rockstar 2009 Application
I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the role Intention plays in the pursuit of growth and success. Intention comes before conscious thought, which comes before conscious action. A conscious action is one where you are aware of what you’re doing. A conscious thought is a guiding framework from which all your actions can flow forth and be congruent. And an Intention is the common thread that weaves through all thoughts and actions, directing them towards a purpose, which can only be achieved though consistent and congruent of thoughts and actions.
Surprisingly (or not) most people operate on autopilot, content to ride shotgun to the amorphous pilot, which is social programming. Their words are what they suppose others want to hear and their actions betray their words by sub-communicating something else.
Does this sound familiar? I see it 100 times a night in nightclubs around the world. The guy who offers to buy a girl a drink, then proceeds to interview (read: interrogate) them into an awkward state of boredom where their only option for escape is to politely say “we’re going to the restroom” or “we’re gonna go dance.”
Freddy: Having fun tonight?
Girl: Yeah, it’s cool
Freddy: So, do you come here often?
Girl: Yeah sometimes
Freddy: So do you live around here
Girl’s friend: We’ve gotta go to the restroom…
The underlying intention in this type of conversation may be admirable; to be respectful and have conversation with a girl you just met. But the sub-communication in the conversation is more like:
Freddy: You’re really gorgeous, so I’m going to play it safe
Girl: I’m having fun, let’s keep it that way, please be cool and interesting.
Freddy: Maybe she comes here a lot, we could have that in common!
Girl: You’re one boring question away from me leaving
Freddy This girl is hot, I’d like to take her out, I know some good places if she’s local
Girl: Strike three, you did not interest or intrigue me, now my friend knows to pull me away from you so I don’t have to feel socially awkward by telling you I’m not interested.
What went wrong?
If you’ve read Magic Bullets, you may realize that there was no Attraction before this guy began asking Comfort-related questions. Any girl worth pursuing will not want to qualify herself to you before she perceives you as having value.
Friendly Freddy above was trying not to offend or convey th at he is creepy to this girl at the bar. He succeeded on both accounts, and his goal was another girl walking away from him. If, however, his intention was to make an impression on this girl, to cause a splash and spike her emotions, then Freddy could have set a playful challenging frame right out of the gate:
Freddy: I’ll bet you this drink that I get served before you.
Girl: Ha, you’re on, but you’re gonna lose
Freddy: I drink long island iced teas, so you better have enough cash.
Girl: Whatever, bring it on!
Freddy (as drinks arrive that he ordered before Opening): Boom! In your face.
Girl: That’s cheating you already ordered those!
Freddy: Don’t be a sore loser, here, high five for the runner-up…(grab and twirl, then Transition)
Can you see how the underlying sub-communication here is playful and fun, but also pre-meditated to bring about a desired result? Here Freddy stays away from the routine BS that girls are endlessly subjected to and instead brings some excitement (value) to her night with a challenge. Then the joke is on her cause he ordered his drinks when she wasn’t looking and before he opened. Girls realize, and I believe, appreciate this kind of humor and behavior. It keeps things light, interesting and fun. Plus girls like a challenge.
When you come from a place of unattached amusement, it doesn’t matter if half the girls you open blow you out or disappear to the dance floor or go to the restroom and don’t come back. The intention is to get very good at meeting, attracting and closing beautiful women; the thought is being willing to power through obstacles, setbacks and failures without letting it affect your sense of self-worth. The action is to open hundreds of sets, think through what/where the interaction went wrong and charge forward with that new tidbit of knowledge fresh in your mind. These accumulate and give you a rich set of reference experiences that immediately come back when you’re confronted with a similar situation. So, the self-reinforcing spiral of progress is:
Set your intention, attune your thoughts, execute your actions. Then measure the results of your actions against your intention and identify the sticking point that prevented success in that case. Get new knowledge/input to bolster your efforts and continue to execute action!
If you give a girl the power to hold sway over your emotional state, then you’ve relinquished your right to feel good about yourself. Sending these signals early on in an interaction sets the tone for all future interactions with her, and is a hard conception to overcome or change.
So the better option is: Commit to being unaffected when you’re out in the club. You are bigger than any blowout or polite excusal so don’t let being blown out be bigger than you! The intention here is to have a lifestyle of beautiful and intelligent women thinking about you when they’re lying in bed at night.
The corollary thoughts and actions are: A willingness to fail so long as you learn something each time, and to act for your own amusement and pleasure. If you attribute value and have a strong desire to reach the intended goal, then each setback is just a stumbling block not a brick wall.
Anyone with solid Game will tell you that there is no substitute for going out running 1,000 sets. Reading every pick-up book and blog in the world isn’t worth as much as a night out approaching consistently for 3 solid hours. 1,000 sets is a decent sample size to make some generalizations and identify recurring themes and trends.
In the course of Project Rockstar I lost count of how many sets I opened when I neared 2,000 and it was around that time that I began to see the social matrix come into focus…to look at pick-up as a game of chess, not checkers. In checkers you jump the other player and that’s the end of him. In chess you strategize and look 10 steps ahead while accounting for the opponents moves and motivations.
Once the first few minutes of your interactions flow naturally, as a result of experience and practice, your conscious mind is freed to think about logistics and plan your next move. So then, when you’re joking with a girl at the bar about getting served before her, you’re also thinking of the best way to isolate and escalate…or building a plan to deal with her friends that just walked up.
Remember, it’s called the Game because it is supposed to be fun! Don’t give up or be too hard on yourself if things don’t go well straight out of the gate. You can have any lifestyle you want, as long as you’re willing to put in the work and work thought he inevitable setbacks along the way.